Fear not, faithful readers! There IS news in here, but no flash – so, no animation that upsets your iPad, no strobing photography, and no pictures of my arse.

Okay, maybe one picture of my arse.

But the point is – I have NEWS!

This week I had an exciting delivery. Several actually, which is one of the benefits of buying all your own Christmas presents – no, don’t feel sad! Trust me – it’s better this way. I get exactly what I want, and friends are over-rated anyway, and… and… *sniff*

Um, where was I? Oh yes. A delivery.

I received the FIRST EVER PAPERBACK COPY of my book ‘That Bear Ate My Pants!’

paperback copy in package

Now, I was tempted to do a proof copy unboxing video, like the very awesome, uber-succesful indie author Hugh Howey does for his amazing ‘WOOL’ books.

(NB – if you haven’t bought the WOOL books already, you’re freakin’ crazy. Go get them ALL – right NOW. No! I meant after you finish reading my blog p… oh, what’s the point. You’ve gone already, haven’t you?)



But. No video. Because I’m too damn ugly. Plus I’ve spent the last week pulling 18 hour days trying to get my second book edited, so I’d look like hell even if I wasn’t damn ugly.

Instead, here is a pretty picture – of the book itself!

Paperback copy

Oooh! See, I told you it was pretty!

Here’s a less-pretty picture of what happened to me last night during the editing process. I nipped to the toilet, and when I came back to my computer the ENTIRE FILE of Book 2 had been overwritten with bold asterisks?!?!

Screen shot of computer error

If I hadn’t just been to the loo, I’d have shit myself on the spot.

To cut a long story short, my trusty MacBook had spazzed out – probably because I haven’t turned him off in the last three months – and he was fine again after a reset. The document, however, was ruined, and I had to find my most recent back-up (from the night before) and re-do all that day’s edits.

So remember kids – ALWAYS back-up!

If I hadn’t, they’d be talking me down from the top of a tall building right now.

Anyway, before this gets too long, let me reiterate: ‘That Bear Ate My Pants!’ is now available in paperback! So for all those technophobes in your life, who refused to read it no matter how much you whined at them – now’s the chance! Get one for Christmas. If nothing else, the paperback version makes considerably better fuel for the fire than the electronic one…

Hm. I might start an ad campaign based on that. Buy my book – burn it – save a pensioner! (From the cold of course. I’m not suggesting you normally burn pensioners…)

Burn my book - save pensioners!Sorry! I’ve got lost again. Oh yeah. Buy my book! Because at long last, it’s a real book :0)

Amazon US: ‘That Bear Ate My Pants!’ Paperback

Amazon UK: ‘That Bear Ate My Pants!’ Paperback

And now that’s all done, I hate to leave a promise unfulfilled. So we might as well end on the bottom; literally, metaphorically, and in terms of tone. Not that it is particularly toned…

My bum!

Oh, sorry! I meant to say: Look away now if you’ve got a weak stomach. Too late now, I guess…  :0)

6 thoughts on “*** NEWSFLASH *** NEWSFLASH *** NEWSFLASH ***

  1. Whoa you actually DID put a photo of your ass on your blog?! Why am I not suprised…
    I’m super excited to get your paperback, so all the peeps without e readers can enjoy your dirty humor! When is
    Book two out? That’s what I’m really looking forward to! Thanks for being so wierd and funny, Merry Christmas! Ps I am very glad you clarified that we are not supposed to burn old people, I had no idea!

    1. I think everyone should be free to make their own decisions, about whether or not to burn old people. I don’t mean to preach or anything – it’s just that I stopped doing it ages ago (probably because I started to get old) – and I think an informed choice is what people need to make. Sure, you CAN burn old people – they’re fairly easy to catch, for starters – but that doesn’t always mean that you SHOULD.
      Or does it?
      You decide!
      Book 2 coming soon… :0)

    1. But you CAN beat people WITH it! Because it’s ENORMOUS!!! It really is larger than I expected. People keep telling me it’s a ‘quick read’ – which I take as a complement, because at 105,000 words, and almost 400 paperback pages, it’s longer than most of the books I read!
      (But then, most of the ones I read are just pictures…)
      But YAY! Super-happy with the paperback. Can’t WAIT to see someone reading it on the train…
      (Not that I’ve been on a train in the last few years. Doh.)

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