A lot of you will have come here from Twitter, where I’ve been shamelessly promoting myself for the last couple of days.
If that is the case, you might have been told that I blog about crazy shit. In fact, you might even have come here looking for it. Well I hate to dissapoint, so here it is:
After all, shit is just shit. Crazy shit is the kind that makes you say, “Mother of God! That is an unusual turd.”
So, mission accomplished. And I got through my quota of swear words in one paragraph, so I’m going to have to delve deep for enough language to continue…
There has been a few times since starting this blog that I’ve had to type really wierd things into Google. If anyone were to steal my laptop and turn it on, they’d freak out wondering what the hell kind of person I am! There are now three photo folders on my desktop labeled ‘Fat Men in Speedos’, ‘Surgical Torture Instruments’ and ‘Pictures of Strange Poo’.
But then, serves the bugger right for stealing my laptop.
Not that anyone would steal my iBook G4 – it’s been obsolete for longer than some of you have owned laptops. I desperately needed a piece of conversion software whilst formatting my book, but it would only run on the newer Macbooks, so I posted a question on some forum asking what I should do. Only one guy bothered to get back to me. He said: ‘Dude. Get a new laptop.’
I’d love to. But I can’t afford it – at least, not until I shift some books. So back to the point of this post (What’s that? Surprised? Yes, this post has a point damnit! I’m just taking the scenic route):
BUY MY BOOK!!! Please. Or I will find you and push soggy spaghetti into your ear holes. This ‘motivated sales tactic’ has come under some fire from my fellow authors as unethical. But they’ll be cleaning their ears out for a while yet, so not to worry.
My next post will reveal the genius behind my strategy to sail to the top of the charts with my book ‘That Bear Ate My Pants!’ We’re into the final week before the launch, so I’ll be posting more about the book over the next few days (including some samples), and eventually the link to Amazon where you can buy it.
Ooh, you lucky people you! Right, that’s your lot. See you soon!
Filed under: Comedy
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